NRA Rejoices In Another Mass Shooting

02 10 15 - 18:27

ROSEBURG, OR - Wayne The BUTCHER LaPierre and his cadre of bloodthirsty gun industry reptiles celebrated another mass shooting at another school.  This time, an Umpqa Community College student murdered his professor and eight of his classmates and wounded ten others.  The murderer, who was described as a hate-filled, anti-religious white supremacist, served briefly in the US Army, but washed out after only a month.  Ironically, the Douglas County (where Roseburg is incorporated) Sheriff is actually a gun nut himself.  He adviocated for arming first graders after the Sandy Hook shooting, and proclaimed that Douglas County Sheriffs would not enforce gun laws within their jurisdiction.  He, like LaPierre, revelled in the shooting deaths of innocent college students.  Alas, LaPierre was overheard lamenting the fact that every one of the victims had reached the age of legal majority and that there were therefore no minors among the dead.  While this was slightly disappointing, he looked on the bright side and in order to cheer up his henchmen he suggested that maybe the next time an NRA member shoots up a school, there would be kids involved.


Tears Are The New Orange

25 09 15 - 18:26

BONER WASHINGTON - Speaker of The House, and tanning salon enthusiast, John BONER, resigned today.  Though he has vehemently denied it, the fact that this coincided with the visit of Pope Francis speaks loudly to the notion that he has actually grown a conscience and does not want to put the country through ANOTHER shutdown by the Banana Republicans.  For what it's worth, the fact that he will no longer do our nation any harm is a welcome development.


Clown Car Emptying Out

22 09 15 - 20:50

WASHINGTON - We can say goodbye to Rick PERIGEE (The Lowest Point) and to DEAD MAN Walker.


Greed And Hatred

22 09 15 - 20:40

NEW YORK - Banana Republicans have only two planks in their platform: Greed and Hatred.  Donald T. RUMP embodies both.  Billionaires and Bigots unite!


Blood Coming Out Of Her 'WHEREVER'

14 08 15 - 18:59

NEW YORK - After a question about his misogyny at the first Banana Republican Clown Parade, Donald T. RUMP reasserted how much he hates women by implying that the Ultra-Right Wingnut FAUX News reporter, Megyn Kelly, must have been menstruating when she reminded him of the outrageous comments he has made about women over the years.  His actual statement was that, "She had blood coming out of her eyes, she had blood coming out of her 'wherever'."  This is the person Banana Republicans want to lead this nation.  There is no shame in Banana Republican circles, only abject hatred.  Let us hope the nation at large does not share that world-view.


Somebody's Doing The Raping - Donlald T. RUMP

02 07 15 - 23:06

NEW YORK - Donald T. RUMP said about Mexicans crossing the border that, "Somebody's Doing The Raping."  This is who Banana Republicans want to be the next President Of The United States.  Party on, Bananas!


Clown Car Gets Designated Driver

16 06 15 - 18:40

NEW YORK - The Banana Republican Clown Car now has a designated driver!  The one and only Donald T. RUMP!  At his completely staged rally here today, mixed in with his racist and anti-American rants, he produced this gem, "When did we beat Japan at anything?"  I swear to god he said that!  He also determined that the Mexican government was SENDING rapists to the United States.  He promised to build a wall around America and get Mexico to pay for it.  He told us that The American Dream is dead.  He HATES America.  He is clearly suffering from severe delusions.  And, he is the new darling of the Banana Republicans.  Enjoy.


BLAND Paul Is Not Your Friend

01 06 15 - 10:07

WASHINGTON - Just because BLAND Paul is attempting to thwart the excessive overreach of the USA Patriot Act Section 215, that does not mean he is your friend.  He is still a foaming-at-the-mouth right-wing war-monger.  He just doesn't like the NSA to track his phone calls.  Do not be hoodwinked.  Do not lose sight of the big picture.  One gesture toward rasonableness does not a rational politician make.


Pi Day

14 03 15 - 10:54


Irrational and always useful...


WRONGNEY Won't Run... *Yawn*

30 01 15 - 10:00

NEW YORK - BREAKING NEWS - So, the elitist, robotic empty suit, Mitt WRONGNEY won't be running for President.  The old saying as dull as dishwater really tends to give dishwater a bad name.